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And yet, they soon find themselves repeating a self-defeating cycle For women who struggle with low self-esteemnice guys do not match their neuronal wiring for a negative self-image.

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Every now and then, a familiar craving surfaces. So how do you handle it? You're probably not desperate enough to stalk your neighbors, or to go looking for friends with benefits in all the wrong places bars come to mind. But offered a chance to reconnect with someone from your past — dinner with your high school steady, for example — you might just surprise yourself by winding up in bed. The next morning or even that night come the recriminations: Was it wrong to give that person the sexual green light when you had no intention of rekindling the emotional side of the relationship? A few weeks later, she joined him for " a wonderful weekend " in his home state.

I'm in like with him — and that's exactly where I want to be. In The Normal Bar, a book I wrote last year with Chrisanna Northrup and James Witte, we reported that 61 percent of female survey respondents who had partners fantasized about someone they had met. For men, the figure was 90 percent. And should they be propositioned by someone they found attractive, 48 percent of the women and 69 percent of the men said they would be tempted to have sex outside the relationship.

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Indeed, many surrendered to that lure in actuality: Hooiup found that 6 percent to 8 percent of singles age 50 and up were dating more than one person at a time. The same study revealed 11 percent of survey respondents were in a sexual relationship that did not involve cohabitation. What do you have to lose?


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